True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
