Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
