please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
