this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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