Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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