I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
