Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
