yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
