Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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