wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
