If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
