is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
