Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
