if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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