my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
