I'm lost and stupid without you.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's official drugs can't kill me
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
