Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
