Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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