I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
