Who did Billy Mays play for?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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