im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
