My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
ugly people sure do ruin things
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just gift wrapped bread.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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