i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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