i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
