I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
