there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
