if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
