Someone shit on the floor
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
so much tequila, so little girl.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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