It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
