No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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