then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
