Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
