my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Actions speak louder than pants.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
