Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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