Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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