I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize