roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
