it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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