I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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