That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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