i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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