forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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