Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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