no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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