Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
