Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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