words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
