and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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