I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
