So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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