We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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