whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
