I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just found puke in my bra..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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