I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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