He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
