I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
