four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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