..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
