oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
