Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
