This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
