so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
