I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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