I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
