The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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