How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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