What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
