A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
