i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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