I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
