my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
