Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
