i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize