eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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