So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
