BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
