you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
