Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Found your dick twin last night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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