Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
