new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
