FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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